I firmly believe that nobody in the world has ever hurt me as much as you and he have these past weeks/days. You’ve done something to me that no one has ever before - killed my happiness. By you both getting together, it’s the very thing you downright knew would do that to me, and you still did it anyway even after I’ve said I’d wait for you. With no thought to my feelings or respect to me, you were 100% selfish, even though you say you’re “sorry” and that you “care”. And I will never forgive you for that. You opened this can of worms, and I sure hope you’re prepared for your life ahead of you without me in it because my gosh, nobody in the world will ever love you and care for you as much as I did before all of this when we were together. I don’t know if it’s that you took me for granted or didn’t fully comprehend what you had in me, but I feel for you on the day you finally realise that :/
I’ve had such an overwhelming response of positivity on my Facebook and in text messages since the upsetting news yesterday. And it’s reassuring that absolutely everybody has supported me and joined me in the huge surprise and confusion for the situation at hand.
I missed my first ever day at work today because I got no sleep at all last night due to overthinking and feeling so hurt that my stomach was in knots and my temple was pounding. Back in tomorrow mind, but Sophie popped round and surprised me to cheer me up, as then did Ben with his daughter and dropped off some sweets, DVDs and a book with a lovely note he wrote on the inside cover telling me it’s that very book which has gotten him through hard times. I felt like I could just cry with happiness for being shown so much genuine love, which is something I’ve felt a lacking in for a long time lately.
I honestly didn’t even realise I had so many truly caring friends, it’s unreal. It still doesn’t take the sting out of yesterday’s awfully destroying news, but it’s a step in the right direction I suppose! :) It’s true that you need to surround yourself with people who truly care for you and love you, and not those who continue to hurt you time and time again. How they can expect to push you away by going back on absolutely everything they said and still hope that you stick around? It’s beyond me :/ at least I can rest happy knowing I did my best and was always 100% completely honest and upfront.
Here’s to my bright and happy future! Cheers, you bunch of lovelies
• Every time before then despite the outrageous flirting: “No, no, he doesn’t like me in that way, he’s just a friend”
• “That’s just the way he is”
• At our meal in Wetherspoons: “I don’t know how to tell you this. He’s just admitted to me that he likes me…”
• “I don’t know if I can even be his friend now in case it’s awkward.”
• When we spent the day together before Inbetweeners 2: “This was nice, it felt just like old times!”
• After his sinister personal attacks to me: “Well done, M***, you’ve really helped this now.”
• “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say. You didn’t deserve any of that, Jordan, it’s not true. I’ve told him off, he stepped out of line.”
• When you continued as you were and was asked to take a step back and think about where your loyalties lie: “You mean the most to me but I can’t have him out of my life either.”
• After I was completely open and mature with you near the town hall and proposed a break: “And while we’re being honest.. I like him too.”
• When you came into my work on shift only a few days later: “I feel like I’ve made a big mistake. I love you and I want to be with you. I’m almost tempted to just drop him because I can’t live without you…”
• A week later on the day of what would’ve been our anniversary: “I got up this morning, and was actually really down about it. I am sorry for recent events and such, but thank you for the two and a half years of happy memories”
• Then a day later: *In a relationship with him*
Is there any wonder why I’ve been left confused and hurt over the past months, and you call me a mindfuck? Combined, you both have been one of the biggest struggles in my life. Every single thing I’ve learned, I’ve had it flipped on its head. I’ve constantly had to adapt to everything that keeps being changed time after time. Every single thing I predicted, it just all becomes true. All I’ve ever been and tried to be is honest and completely respectful to everybody involved, even when at times they showed me no reason to deserve it.
I admit that not everything will’ve been gone about in the correct way sometimes, but equally I honestly don’t know many who would have stuck around like I did when I was treat this way. Not to mention the sting of him turning other people against me (people who I’ve shown nothing but caring for, may I add). You cannot treat people this way, especially those who apparently mean so much to you, and those who have done so much for you and shown you more love in the world than you’ve ever had before. I just don’t understand it?
It’s sad how the world works sometimes. I’m so thankful for my friends at this point, they’ve been lifesavers. I cannot wait to meet someone who will love me for who I am, what I stand for, and not string me along.
Anonymous said: I hope you're OK. <3 friendly Tumblr follower
Thanks, Anon! I will be fine, it just hurts to have no respect given to me when I’ve always done the same. I will move on an be happier for it :)
You’ve made a big mistake, but I hope you’re happy for it because you cannot go back now. Although I do believe letting this happen just a day after what would’ve been our third anniversary, is very out of line and disrespectful. To top it all off, you didn’t even tell me but instead let me find out through someone else (just like you didn’t tell me before). But then, I knew it would happen so what can I say other than, I saw this miles away even after I was constantly told it wouldn’t. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Here’s to a positive future for myself, away from negative, soul-destroying, manipulative people.-J